Obsession Versus Neglect: How to Find the Right Self-Care Balance

I remember it well. 


I just finished speaking to a group of 100 women about loving your body. Shortly after, a sweet woman came up to me with tears in her eyes asking me how to find the right balance between feeling obsessed with making changes to her body and neglecting herself. She told me she was wearing herself out at the gym trying to be perfect, and her body was changing just like she wanted, but she was so obsessed making sure she put in her time at the gym, she felt like other things in her life were getting neglected and completely out of balance. I could tangibly feel her frustration and her true desire to love and care for the body she was in, but also how to have a balance in other areas of her life. 


Have you ever been there? Wanting to make a change but feeling the need to be perfect at that change or else you’ll end up back where you started?


Hi, I’m Elizabeth and I’m here to help you become a woman of wellness by healing your relationship with food and loving your body. Today’s topic is one I approach with the most sensitivity and love I can for you because I’ve been there and I know you’ve either been there or are there right now. And no matter what degree of frustration you have with your body, know that you’re in the right place and I hope my message today will help you find more hope, more love for your body, and a way to find a balance that makes you feel your best. 


Today I want to talk about balance. 


Do you know who the world’s biggest perfectionist is? Me. Yep, it’s true. I’ve been known to buy at least probably a thousand notebooks with the desire to start journaling but in order to do it I must have the perfect cute notebook, the perfect pencil, and not miss one single day. I’m embarrassed to tell you how many journals have about 5 pages written in them and the rest of it is blank because I become paralyzed when I don’t do it perfectly. 


Do you ever feel this way with your health? If you want to lose weight or make a change, you have to do it perfectly or what’s the point in starting?


I’ve been there soooooo many times. 


Perfectionism is crippling. It stops you before you even start. 


I have tried to organize a perfect house at least 25,463 times. Yeah, I think that’s the right number. I have a vision of how the toys are organized perfectly, and how we have a perfect cleaning schedule, and how we never have clutter lying around. And guess what? Every time I do that, my house gets even more cluttered (I seriously don’t know how it happens) and my anxiety skyrockets. It’s so frustrating. 


It’s even more frustrating that I KNOW that perfectionism won’t get me anywhere, but I still try it. But I know that one of the reasons I’m not able to get a handle on it is because I don’t know how to approach it. Every time I go in with the fallback idea of it’s going to be perfect this time. There’s that word again.


How many times have you said that to yourself? This time will be better? The 25,463 times before were just practice rounds. My mom always used to tell me I was really good at learning things the hard way. But, then I realized (after 30+ years of life experience) that the only way we learn is the hard way. We learn because we mess up and find a way to change it. We continually make mistakes, fall off the path, get back on the path, and we do it with everything. 


Wouldn’t you say the drive for perfection is sooooo much more common in the health and wellness arena? How many times have you tried to make a change to your lifestyle? How many diet plans have you started? How many exercise programs have you bought with the best of intentions? And as soon as you’re not perfect, you move on. First, you get frustrated and go on a binge of some sort, maybe a food binge or a couch potato binge? 


So, how do you know where the perfect balance between obsession and neglect of your body is? 


I wish I had the perfect number for you, like 25,463 workouts, or 25,463 calories per month (I don’t even know, I just made that up and remember we don’t count calories over here). But, the truth is, your balance is uniquely yours. 


But, I do have a guide for you to help you find your balance. Phew, were you worried I was just going to leave you hanging? I’m not going to give you the perfect plan to follow, but I do have a roadmap that I think will really help as you work on finding your own happy balance. 


When wondering how to find a better wellness balance in your life, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What do I want?

  2. What is realistic for me?

  3. What season of life am I in right now?

  4. What are my priorities?

  5. What are my non-negotiables?



First, What do I want?

What does becoming a woman of wellness look like to you? Go deeper than just physical appearance. What do you feel like as a woman of wellness? What are you able to do? How would you describe your relationship with food? How would you describe your relationship with your body? What would movement and exercise look like in your daily life? Instead of looking for a number on a scale or a dress size, go deeper with yourself. Write it down as a guide for your journey and a reminder of your “why”. 



Second, what is realistic for me?

My husband has a co-worker that is a figure competitor. Just the other day he told me that she wakes up at 3 AM to walk on her treadmill for 2 hours, then spends an hour at the gym and fills most of her day with meal prepping and eating a diet that allows her body to be competition ready. 


I have nothing against figure competing and setting and reaching goals, but for me, that lifestyle sounds absolutely painful. And I’m guessing if you’re here, you’re probably not wanting to be a bodybuilder either. 


Is it realistic for you to hit the gym at 5 AM when you’re up most of the night wondering if your teenager will actually show up before curfew? You’ve probably heard that exercise is best in the morning (which is a myth by the way), but what if you’re not a morning person? Do you think an early morning exercise session is going to awaken some inner morning goddess that’s been dying to come out? Maybe, but probably not. 


It’s true that often we have to make sacrifices to change our lives, but make sure those sacrifices are not so hard that you’ll want to stop before you even start. Write down what is realistic for you right now. 



Third, “what season of life am I in right now?”

When I have little babies, I do the bare minimum to keep myself alive. Just like seasons of the weather, we have seasons in life. Sometimes we have seasons to slow down and other times we have seasons to blossom and grow. Ask yourself what season you’re in and honor it the best way possible. How can you become a woman of wellness in THIS season?



Make a list of your non-negotiables. 

What are the most important things that make you feel well? Do them. Make them non-negotiable. Make what I like to call a “basics” list. What are the basics you must do each day or each week to help you feel at your best? Then, when you’re in a season of abundance and blossoming, build on to it. When you’re in a season of survival, stick to the basics. 


Now, if you’ve been here for more than 2 seconds you know I’m all about helping you take action, so here’s your cue. Go get a notebook, write down these 5 questions and fill in your answers. 


What does a woman of wellness look like to YOU right this minute? Not what it looks like for me or your neighbor, but for you? Then, share with us in the comments!


Thanks again for being here! See you next time!

How More Self-Love Leads To Ultimate Happiness

You’ve been waiting to buy that outfit after you lose the weight.

 

You’re certain you’ll feel so much better and so much prettier if you just lose the weight, so you wait. You hold off on buying any new clothes until you reach your goal.

 

But, you feel uncomfortable and miserable. You can’t seem to be happy in your own skin.

 

You know everything will change when you lose the weight.

 

You spend years chasing this weight loss and feel frustrated all the time. You feel like a failure. You tell yourself you don’t deserve any new clothes. You don’t deserve to feel beautiful because you can’t seem to do anything right. You feel lazy and frustrated that it’s so hard to lose weight.

 

OR…

 

You lose the weight and for some reason you still don’t feel comfortable and happy with your new body.

 

Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin carries over into every aspect of our lives.

 

When we don’t love the way we look, we often hide from mirrors, from cameras, and we may even lose our confidence to accomplish things that have absolutely nothing to do with our weight.

 

Today, my goal is to help you know, to truly know how beautiful you are. To know what to do to bring more self-love into your life regardless of your weight or dress size. Because those things don’t matter.

 

What matters is that you’re comfortable and confident in your own skin.

 

Before I move on, if you think I’m telling you to throw all of your efforts out the window, I promise that is not the intention. In fact, I wrote a blog post all about how to love your body now AND seek change for it.

 

Today’s goal is to help you use powerful and positive self-talk to bring more self-love and happiness into your life no matter where you’re at in your journey.

 

Your body image may or may not be holding you back from accomplishing your daily to-do list, but I’m guessing you’d agree that it often holds you back from other things in life. Maybe it holds you back from working toward hard things. Maybe it holds you back from putting yourself out there. Maybe it just drags you down throughout the day, but if you avoid a mirror, you’ll be fine.

 

The key to a positive body image and more self-love is practice. It’s first noticing your negative self-talk and changing it into positive self-talk. It’s believing in the positive words you say to and about yourself.

 

Today, we’re talking about how to incorporate positive self-talk (or affirmations) to bring more body love, more body confidence, and more happiness into your everyday life.

 

For this exercise, you’ll need your self-love affirmation workbook. It guides you through every step to create a powerful self-love affirmation that you can repeat and use daily.

 

 
 
When you write it, the magic begins.
After you write it, you can start reading it.
When you start reading it, you’ll be able to start saying it.
When you start saying it, you start hearing it.
When you start hearing it, you start to believe it.
When you believe it, things begin to change.
When things begin to change, you will understand. And believe.
 

 

4 STEPS TO WRITING A SELF LOVE AFFIRMATION

 

STEP 1: DREAM

 

How do you want to feel about your body? What do you want to look like? What do you want to be able to do with your body? What experiences do you want? Spend time dreaming about how it would feel to love your body. What would that look like to you? Write words and phrases that come to mind.

 

STEP 2: USE KEYWORDS

 

Now, use those words and phrases and turn them into powerful words. What words describe your beautiful body? Confident? Strong? Beautiful? Write words that mean something to you. Words that make you feel good.

 

STEP 3: WRITE A STATEMENT

 

Put those words together into a statement about yourself. Make it present tense and positive. Write your statement as if it was already real.

 

STEP 4: REPEAT

 

In order for you to believe your statement, you must repeat it often. When you repeat it often, you start to believe it. It get infused into your entire being. It becomes a part of you. It becomes real.

 

Want to write your own affirmation or need some suggestions of pre-made affirmations that have worked for others?

 

 

 

The key to self love is not weight loss. It’s not a dress size. The key to loving yourself is to embrace even the flaws. To see beauty no matter where you’re at in your journey. To be grateful for the body that is yours and to find ways to take care of it that feel good to you.

 

If you want to continue this journey, head on over and follow my popular gratitude practice to help you be grateful and find love for every inch of your body.

 

You are worth loving. You are worth feeling confident and proud. You are worth it, my friend. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

Want to love your body? Try this simple technique

You’re here because you want a better body image.

 

I’m so happy to have you here! Loving on that body that is uniquely yours is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

 

I truly believe (and have seen mighty changes in my clients) that learning to love yourself is the first step in any good health and wellness journey.

 

It’s the step toward achieving everything you want. It’s the first step in being truly happy and content with the journey and not just looking at the endpoint.

 

But, for whatever reason, your body image has declined over the years. Maybe you feel like you’re sporting the “mom bod” after having children. Maybe you’re busy with work and taking care of a family that you haven’t had a lot of time to give to yourself. Or, maybe you have always really struggled with loving yourself fully and completely.

 

Whatever it looks like for you, today’s post is all about loving that body right now. Not in the future at a certain weight or dress size. Not tomorrow. Right now.

 

In fact, I’m guessing that your image of your body doesn’t really affect your day to day life that much. You are still able to accomplish most of what you need to get done without being affected by how your body looks. You usually just avoid being in front of a mirror for too long and always want to be in the back when someone’s taking a photo.

 

You may not think your body image interferes with daily life, but it does.

 

It affects the way you talk about yourself. It affects the way you act daily.

 

What does your self talk look like when talking about your body?

 

Do you only see flaws?

 

Do you only see things you want to change?

 

Do you carry that self-talk over into how you feel about yourself as a whole? Maybe you see a body you’re frustrated with in the mirror and quickly judge yourself as lazy or unable to accomplish any goals you set out to achieve?

 

Having a positive body image and engaging in regular positive self-talk can bring profound changes in your life. In fact, our practice today will be a popular gratitude practice that will help you get started on the right path toward loving your body and taking care of it in the way that is best for you because a positive body image also brings a desire for more self-care.

 

But first, if you’ve ever tried using positive affirmations, you know how powerful they can be in your life. So, I’ve created an entire easy to follow workbook that will help you create your very own self love affirmation. It’s a great start to your journey toward a better body image and something my clients have seen great success with. And if you don’t want to create your own, I also have an entire page of pre-made affirmations to help you on this journey.

 
 

Repeat your affirmation daily in conjunction with the following gratitude practice I will guide you through today.

 

The first step in building a better body image is to practice gratitude. In fact, if you’ve read other blog posts of mine, it’s the foundation for every solid health and wellness journey you find yourself on. Skipping this foundational piece can make you feel like you are missing an integral part of the journey.

 

This practice can be used anytime you need a simple reminder of how wonderful and amazing your body truly is and how much you can love it no matter where you’re at in each stage of life or each stage of your goals.

 

Now, I want you to spend time actually going through this with me today. This is not a blog post to just read and close out. Today you will start a gratitude practice.

 

Get comfortable in your chair, eliminate distractions, and join me for the next 5 minutes.

 

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A GRATITUDE PRACTICE FOR MORE SELF LOVE

BODY SCAN

First, take a minute to scan your entire body (you may close your eyes). What are you feeling? What emotions do you feel? Do you have pain anywhere? Tension? Do you feel uncomfortable in any place? What words and phrases come to mind as you think about your body as a whole?
 

TORSO SCAN

Move up the body to your torso. Your stomach and chest area. Again, what thoughts initially come up? Are they negative or positive? Look down at your torso. Start thanking it (you can do this in your head or out loud) for everything it’s been for you. Do you have things you don’t like about your torso? Change those negative thoughts into positive ones. What physical traits do you love about your torso? Remember, your torso houses your heart. Use your heart to be thankful for this area of your body. Vow to always speak kindly to this area of your body. 

ARM SCAN

Moving outward toward your upper limbs, what emotions come up for your arms? Have you always hated your arms? Do you wish they were stronger? Throw out those self-defeating thoughts and start to reframe your thoughts into all that those arms have done and been for you. What do they accomplish on a daily basis? Where have those hands been? What stories can they tell? Think hard about all of the things your arms have done for you and still do for you every day. Thank them tremendously and vow to always speak kindly to them moving forward. 

HEAD SCAN

Scan your head. Scan your face, your skin, your eyes, ears, nose, etc. What words come up? Do you find yourself wishing your features were different? Go through each feature of your face and say one thing you love about it. Think about all the things those eyes have seen. All the beautiful smells that nose has smelled. Think about your mouth and everything you are able to communicate. Think about your brain and the amazing way it gets you through every single day. Think about the memories you hold dear in that brain. Thank your head for all that it is for you. Thank it for the features that allow you to live a full life. Vow to always speak kindly to each area of your face and head. 

BODY SCAN

Scan your entire body one more time. Now what emotions are coming up? Can you find a smile on your face? Can you see a more beautiful body inside and out? Are you more thankful? What emotions came up for you? What blocks or negative thoughts are still hard to overcome? 

As you continue to work on your body image, go back and perform this gratitude practice as often as you need. Eventually, you will feel more confident in your physical attributes. You will start to love even the physical parts of your body.

I hope this was helpful. I hope you’ll use it often. 

Thank you for joining me in this gratitude practice. Share with any dear friends that need this message. 

And don’t forget your affirmation workbook. It’s another incredible tool that will help you bring more positive self talk into your life. More positive self talk = a happier lifestyle.
 

 
"There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection.” ― Steve Maraboli


 

Can I Love My Body Now and Still Want Weight Loss?

I remember it so vividly. I was speaking to a large room of beautiful women and mothers about body love and self-confidence.

 

I had just finished telling them that they could love every inch of that beautiful body of theirs. That they could accept and even love the flaws. That they were worth so much more than they often gave themselves credit for. I felt inspired and I truly hoped they did too.

 

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After the session, a woman ran up to the front and asked me a question that plagues so many of us when it comes to learning to love our bodies AND take care of them at the same time.

Her question was this:

“How do I know when to accept my body as it is and when I need to work for change? I don't know how to determine where that line is and that is my struggle.”

You’ve seen it all over in blog posts, in news articles, conferences, books, and anywhere you consume information.

 

Love your body! they preach.

 

And you want to. You truly want to.

 

But…

Truthfully, you’re not really happy with the place your body is at. You’re frustrated by it. You’re frustrated you’ve “let yourself go” over the years. You’re frustrated that you’re way too exhausted to hit the gym in the mornings. You’re frustrated that taking better care of yourself feels guilty because it takes what little time you have away from your family. You feel selfish for even thinking about self-care, even though you know it’s not selfish.

It’s not like your current body really holds you back much. I mean, you’re able to still do all the things you need to get done in a day. Granted, you’re exhausted, but that’s the life of a mother! You have a good family, a roof over your head, a job that provides for you. You’re doing pretty well. You decide to ignore accept this “mom body” you’ve acquired over the years, vow to avoid mirrors or pictures, and carry on with life. Still unhappy with your body, but not enough for it to interfere that much with daily life.

If you can avoid any sort of confrontation with your body, keep that swimsuit packed as far away from sunlight as possible, and carry on with life, you’ll be just fine. It’s the life of a mother. It’s what you signed up for, right?

 

WRONG.

 

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball

 

 

Why can’t you love that “mom body” you’ve so faithfully earned over the years?

The truth is, there is nothing wrong with learning to love and accept your body right now AND still seek change. It doesn’t mean you have a bad body image. It means you love yourself enough to want to take better care of it. It means you speak kindly of your body, embrace imperfection, and love the journey.

 

What is the balance between body acceptance and seeking body change?


 

First, practice gratitude.

 

Have you ever thanked your body for all it’s done for you? I mean really stepped in front of a mirror and turned every negative thought, every flaw into gratitude?

I go into major depth about using gratitude to change our body image in this post, but it truly is the first step in any journey toward more self-love.

If the thought of standing in front of a mirror and saying nice things about yourself is too much right now, grab a piece of paper and write a letter of gratitude to your body. Spend 5-10 minutes writing your letter. Come back to it every time you find that negative body talk creeping back into your life.

 

Letter of Gratitude


Second, be realistic.

 

Sometimes I think we want the body we had in high school with all the maturity and wisdom of a 30-year-old woman.

Or, maybe you want to get your body back to wherever it was when you were in your “best shape ever”. Having goals is fantastic. Working hard to reach them is fabulous. Chasing an unrealistic ideal is not. It will only leave us feeling deflated, defeated, and frustrated.

There is a fine line between setting good, challenging goals and being completely unrealistic.

Ask yourself what is realistic for you. In fact, ask yourself “why”. Why do you seek change? Will taking better care of your body give you more confidence? Do you want to be a good example for your kids? Do you want to feel like you’re doing everything you can to live the fullest life possible?

 

Instead of a number on a scale, how do you want to feel? How do you want to feel in your own skin? That’s the change you’re working toward.

 

Having a goal that means something to you is so much more than a dress size. It’s not stressing about the time frame or the end result. It’s taking care of yourself in a way that fits your lifestyle right now. It’s knowing that you’re doing everything you can with your time and resources to take care of that special gift that is your body.

 
 

Third, change one thing at a time.

 

When we want change, we usually want it all at once. I hope this blog post today has helped you understand how important it is to love yourself first no matter what kind of change you desire.

 

Once you have a self-love practice, the “taking care of you” part comes much more naturally.

 

Start making daily choices that nourish your body in a way that will get you one step closer to your desired change.

 

Love your body enough to give it lots of fruits and vegetables. Love your body enough to go to bed early so you can fit in a quick 20 minute exercise routine in the morning. Love your body enough to buy clothes that you feel comfortable in now. Love your body enough to learn how to do some strength training (because if there’s anything that will make your body feel physically strong, it’s that). Love your body enough to manage stress in ways other than turning to junk food.

 

Only you will be able to find the balance between self-love and seeking change, but, when you get there, you’ll know it.

 

You’ll start to feel confident. You’ll take care of yourself in different ways than ever before. You’ll throw out the guilt for taking care of yourself because you realize it’s what makes you better in everything you do.

 

If you’ve ever used affirmations or are curious about how to bring more self-love into your life, I’ve made you an entire workbook to help you create your own self-love affirmation to guide you in this journey. There are even some pre-made affirmations if the thought of writing your own feels overwhelming. It’s a great place to start replacing the negative self and body talk into positive and uplifting words and phrases.

 

And if you have a friend or family member whom you love and want to share this with, please share this message. We need a world filled with more confident women who love themselves in every way.


 

Mindset Reset - How to Reset When Burnout Occurs

Do you ever find yourself putting so much action into your life that spirals out of control and eventually hit a wall mentally?

Perhaps you start to feel burnt out, or you start to question the action put forth because you feel like you’ve been on cruise control. Putting in the work is absolutely crucial for life, but something that may be even slightly more important is ensuring that your mental state is nourished and taken care of each day.

Creating a daily mindset ritual of some sort is more essential than I can even express in words because not having one can cause you to constantly have to do a mindset reset, which is what I’m going to discuss in detail. While mindset resets serve a great purpose; they are something that we don’t want to have to amount to quite often because we shouldn’t wait until things crumble to start taking care of ourselves.

However, being that we as women and mothers have a thousand things on our plate it may be helpful to understand what a mindset reset is and how to know when you need one.

A mindset reset is a combination of different tools and exercises that can be used to “start over” mentally. They can be done whenever you feel as though you’ve hit the wall and nothing you are doing is working. Mindset resets are great for taking time to look introspectively at your life to discover what’s not working from a clear mind.

The arsenal of tools and resources you use to refresh your mind is totally up to you and should consist of things that make you feel good deep down. It is important to listen to your intuition and let it guide you to what those things are instead of simply doing things you think you “should” do.

 

MINDSET RESET IDEAS

  1. EFT or Tapping - According to The Tapping Solution, “Tapping provides relief from chronic pain, emotional problems, disorders, addictions, phobias and more.” It is surprising how effective this simple exercise can be. You can find free videos on YouTube. My personal favorite is Brad Yates because he has quick versions of his normal tapping videos and we all know we could maximize our time as women and mothers.

  2. Light Exercise - Taking long walks with your little one can serve as a great way to clear your head when doing all the things finally catches up. It can be a wonderful time to disconnect, listen to an inspirational book and get back to basics.

  3. High Vibe Music Playlist - Listening to music that gets me back into a higher vibration always helps. I have created several playlists on YouTube that allow me to get back in the swing of things whenever I am feeling down.

  4. Celebration Exercise - Something we don’t do enough of as women and mothers is celebrate our small accomplishments. I recently purchased a journal and set time aside once a week to write down what I’m celebrating that week. It has already had significant impacts on my mindset and I can’t wait to see how helpful it proves to be as I continue to do it.

  5. Sleep - Of course it can be difficult to get enough sleep with little ones, but it is important to at least try. I’ve noticed when I am tired that my mind likes to play little tricks on me. I tell myself stories that are not real, but when I am well-rested it could be a stormy day and I feel the sun is shining bright!

 

These are just an example of some activities you can incorporate into your mindset reset ritual, but it’s important to develop a routine that works for you. That’s why I am including my free Mindset Reset Ritual Worksheet so you can create one of your own!

 

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Bio: Gabby is a Time Management Mentor & Biz Strategist for Mompreneurs. She supports mompreneurs in creating 3+ hours a day so they can stop struggling and FINALLY balance baby AND biz. She's passionate about helping mompreneurs create time to accomplish all the things that light them up and make them feel purposeful while serving as a positive example of what living your ideal mom life can provide.

To learn more about her visit www.gabbybogan.com and be sure to sign up for her FREE mini-Masterclass to learn how to kiss mommy guilt goodbye for good, the first step in maximizing time as a mompreneur!